Once upon a time,
I had a voice, I lost my voice, I found my voice and then finally,
I reclaimed it.
Did you ever think it couldn't get any worse, and then it does?
It did to me in 2023.
In one year, I experienced the loss of identity as a veteran educator, my identity as a single mother, my identity as a sibling, the death of my father and the end of some friendships. I had no community.
I also became temporarily housed (aka homeless).
I lived in three hotels in six weeks and eventually landed in rental in another county with my two children and our family cat of seventeen years.
Did I mention that this neighborhood fire took away a home that took me thirteen years to acquire due to a decade-long, legal divorce battle, bankruptcy as well some church hurts from my 30s?
What does one do with all that loss?
Scream? Holler?
Stuff it? Get sick?
Be strong? Keep busy?
Drink? Overwork oneself?
I had done that in the past when there was loss.
"You're fine, Bernadette. At least ......."
"Stay positive," they said.
"Be strong," I told myself.
However, none of that was working any more.
By backpack of accumulated losses from childhood to present day broke open and was destroyed.
I was destroyed.
I began comparing myself to others believing that there must be something wrong with me. It seemed like everyone else was handling life pretty well. What was my problem?
While experiencing a good dose of loneliness, I finally understood why humans who "seemed okay" with their "bubbly" personality would choose to die by suicide.
Although I did not have a plan to do this, and I did not want to do this, I knew I needed help.
I reached out to two people: my trauma informed therapist and my "special friend" (now fiancee).
My therapist told me to seek out grief support.
My now fiancee committed to making sure I got the best medicine for myself once a weekend: hiking in nature.
The latter was easy, but the finding of a grief support group for any loss was not so simple.
With all my losses, I could not find a group that supported me.
They were all specific to a loss (death, separation, divorce) and/or they were specific to a religion.
I knew that I was in a state of perpetual grief from so many losses in one year, let alone the lifetime.
There had to be something out there to help me.
Fortunately, I was able to find a grief counselor who was a certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist as a result of my work as a McKinney-Vento navigator for temporarily housed children. She reminded me that she would not be doing therapy, but the work could be therapeutic.
And it was.
It wasn't about just one loss; it was about the re-education of what "qualifies" as loss and what "qualifies" as "grief worthy".
It was about myths, misinformation around grief and loss.
It was about getting some new tools to let go of the pain that was unresolved with these losses as well as being able to use these tools for future losses.
It was about learning to love myself all over again.
It was miraculous.
Within four of the eight sessions, I was ready to commit my life to helping to normalizing grief for any loss.
Everyone should feel this good about themselves!
This new education and method is the pot of gold that is waiting for anyone and everyone in order to have their dreams of freedom and intrinsic peace come true.
I really would like you to receive this treasure for yourself!
Mixing what I learned from my training as a Grief Recovery Method Specialist, with my years of being an educator, advocate and now navigator of resources for the temporarily housed, I am ready to transform stigma to courageous connection.
We were never meant to live with our unresolved pain for the rest of our lives.
My belief is that if we all can be present and compassionate with all of our feelings (instead of demonizing, criticizing, judging), we can save the world from emotional destruction of each other.
Peace is possible, but it must start with you.
It's your turn to reclaim your voice.
You matter.
It did to me in 2023.
In one year, I experienced the loss of identity as a veteran educator, my identity as a single mother, my identity as a sibling, the death of my father and the end of some friendships. I had no community.
I also became temporarily housed (aka homeless).
I lived in three hotels in six weeks and eventually landed in rental in another county with my two children and our family cat of seventeen years.
Did I mention that this neighborhood fire took away a home that took me thirteen years to acquire due to a decade-long, legal divorce battle, bankruptcy as well some church hurts from my 30s?
What does one do with all that loss?
Scream? Holler?
Stuff it? Get sick?
Be strong? Keep busy?
Drink? Overwork oneself?
I had done that in the past when there was loss.
"You're fine, Bernadette. At least ......."
"Stay positive," they said.
"Be strong," I told myself.
However, none of that was working any more.
By backpack of accumulated losses from childhood to present day broke open and was destroyed.
I was destroyed.
I began comparing myself to others believing that there must be something wrong with me. It seemed like everyone else was handling life pretty well. What was my problem?
While experiencing a good dose of loneliness, I finally understood why humans who "seemed okay" with their "bubbly" personality would choose to die by suicide.
Although I did not have a plan to do this, and I did not want to do this, I knew I needed help.
I reached out to two people: my trauma informed therapist and my "special friend" (now fiancee).
My therapist told me to seek out grief support.
My now fiancee committed to making sure I got the best medicine for myself once a weekend: hiking in nature.
The latter was easy, but the finding of a grief support group for any loss was not so simple.
With all my losses, I could not find a group that supported me.
They were all specific to a loss (death, separation, divorce) and/or they were specific to a religion.
I knew that I was in a state of perpetual grief from so many losses in one year, let alone the lifetime.
There had to be something out there to help me.
Fortunately, I was able to find a grief counselor who was a certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist as a result of my work as a McKinney-Vento navigator for temporarily housed children. She reminded me that she would not be doing therapy, but the work could be therapeutic.
And it was.
It wasn't about just one loss; it was about the re-education of what "qualifies" as loss and what "qualifies" as "grief worthy".
It was about myths, misinformation around grief and loss.
It was about getting some new tools to let go of the pain that was unresolved with these losses as well as being able to use these tools for future losses.
It was about learning to love myself all over again.
It was miraculous.
Within four of the eight sessions, I was ready to commit my life to helping to normalizing grief for any loss.
Everyone should feel this good about themselves!
This new education and method is the pot of gold that is waiting for anyone and everyone in order to have their dreams of freedom and intrinsic peace come true.
I really would like you to receive this treasure for yourself!
Mixing what I learned from my training as a Grief Recovery Method Specialist, with my years of being an educator, advocate and now navigator of resources for the temporarily housed, I am ready to transform stigma to courageous connection.
We were never meant to live with our unresolved pain for the rest of our lives.
My belief is that if we all can be present and compassionate with all of our feelings (instead of demonizing, criticizing, judging), we can save the world from emotional destruction of each other.
Peace is possible, but it must start with you.
It's your turn to reclaim your voice.
You matter.