Hotel Room

A little over a year ago I was living in a hotel and couch surfing at my boyfriend’s house. I was living the life of an “invisible” homeless person. 
Because of my “temporary displacement”, I was able to fully appreciate my new position as McKinney-Vento Navigator that I had just received only a month before the fire. 
McKinney-Vento is a federal law that eliminates barriers to education for temporarily displaced (aka homeless) children and their families.
The McKinney-Vento definition of homelessness - aka “temporary housed”- includes the “googled” stereotype of homeless, as well as the “invisible homeless” populations. 
The “invisible homeless” are in this situation as a result of natural disaster, fire, economic hardship, and or fleeing for safety. 
As a temporarily housed individual…
I did not plan on having a fire. 
I did not plan on living in a hotel. 
I did not plan on becoming a Grief Recovery Method Specialist as a result of the fire that “saved me”. 
Nobody “plans for loss”. 
It just happens. 
We all experience loss. 
100% of us. 
Some loss is tangible like the loss of a home or relationship.
Most losses are intangible: loss of safety, loss of trust, loss of security, and the loss of faith. 

You may witness a person who says, “Everything is fine” when you know everything's NOT fine: Academy Award Winning Griever. 
You may witness a person who is on a roller coaster of emotions and you have no idea what to expect from them; you feel like you are walking on eggshells. 
Both humans are dealing with unresolved loss. 
I was the “Academy Award Winner” for dealing with loss.

I was trained to “Be strong”. 
I was also so hurt and devastated when I wondered why I felt so abandoned and lonely during the process of losing my home, finding a place to live temporarily and everything else in between.
I had learned to grieve alone. 
Most people struggle to deal with someone who is bringing up unpleasant emotions: it means the receiver needs to be comfortable with their own uncomfortable feelings. That is challenging when the person was never taught to accept their own unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings. 
It was no wonder that my emotions became unmanageable almost a year ago from today. 
I wasn’t accepting all of myself. 
At my therapist’s suggestion, I sought out a grief support group.
To my disappointment, I did not  find any support group for the “loss of anything”; there were only grief groups for the death of a loved one.  
I did however find a grief counselor who happened to be a Grief Recovery Method Specialist. 
What is the difference between the two?
The former is a therapist, the latter is an educator. 
The Grief Recovery Method is an evidence based, international 8 session program. There is homework tailored to you and your loss. 
It is NOT therapy, but it can be therapeutic. 
It helps the griever (you) get complete with ANY loss (tangible or intangible. 
It does not matter how distant in the past the loss occurred. 
It does not matter how fresh the pain is from a recent loss. 
It does matter that the griever shows up in community out of the stigma of grieving in isolation. 
We can not change the past, but we change how the past affects our future.
Last year I had the fire AND I had the gift of being able to go through the Grief Recovery Method in private sessions. 
This not only gave me tools for coping with future losses, it motivated me to sit and “get complete” with past losses. 
Getting complete with some of my losses helped remove the blocks that kept me stuck in victimhood. It gave me space for new opportunities that I never thought possible. 
Today, I am writing this blog from a hotel room. 
Unlike my previous three  “homeless” hotel stays last year, I have a view of the ocean and in about two hours, I will be presenting to my state’s stakeholders at a conference on health. 
What a difference a year makes. 
This time my hotel stay is a result of my work in getting “complete” with my loss. 
This time, I was requested to present, to be a part of a beautiful community of humble humans who support our most vulnerable and underserved populations. What an honor to be among them. 

I have never been invited to  present at a conference before this moment. 
To my delight, my presenter badge validates my permission to be at this conference. It is adorned with the same kind of gold star sticker that I used to receive when I would work so hard as a child in Catholic school. 
My topic: A Safety Net for Our Homeless Youth and Families. 
My focus: how to support grieving children and their families. 
My hope is to give guidance to caretakers and stakeholders that serve these populations. I will be offering the same tools that have helped me with my incomplete losses that have kept me stuck, stagnant and feeling powerless. 
It’s my turn to be the support for the lonely and those isolated in their grief. 
Would you like to join me? 
If you or your organization would like more information on either the Grief Recovery Method (8 week session) or the Helping Children with Loss Program (4 week session), email me at [email protected]. 
As Grief Guardians, we can make heavy hearts a little lighter by normalizing grief.